Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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