dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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