I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
