Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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