If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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