I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
