I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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