Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize