i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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