is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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