I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
