Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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