I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
