Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
