Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize