I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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