i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
as a side note pls kill me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
