she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
