Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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