Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
