Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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