I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just want to make out with him forever
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize