Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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