On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I lost the right to judge tonight
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
