I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
