ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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