Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
