Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
