If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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