Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize