His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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