I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
