All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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