...so i touched it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
