Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
