Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize