I must be too annoying 4 u.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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