Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
