remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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