alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
