she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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