Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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