chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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