is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
