she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
