Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You ruined the universe
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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