He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
