How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
