I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
