Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We are all done wearing pants today
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
