Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
