Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
birth control should be required to get into college
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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