what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
