My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
