Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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