"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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