We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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