Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
