I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
