The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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