I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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