and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
