i love accidental penises.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I touched a dick in church today
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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