FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
