He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
