The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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