I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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