my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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