I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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