I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
