My liver just broke up with me...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize