This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
