return my video game
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
