Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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