see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
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