question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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