it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize