have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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