so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
