When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
