i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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