I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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