i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
pray to the hookup gods
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize