thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
