I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
