doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You can't special order awesome
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The convent might be a nice break from real life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
