Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
