And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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