Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize