i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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