Swine flu. Run for my life!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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