Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
