Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
