just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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