Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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