Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
