Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
