Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
