Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
