All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
