you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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