i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
