That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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