i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
