we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's even glitter on my cock...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
