if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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