woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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